Choosing To Serve

Its the end of a long day, and if I were not disciplining myself to pray/read/write/exercise on a daily basis right now, I’d probably skip this post.  Additionally, I could have been over at a friend’s house playing cards right now (and likely winning some low-stakes $ in the process)!  But I’m home.

There is a very good reason that I’m home.  A reason that to some might feel special, but it is what my wife and I have come to call our “new normal.” It’s odd that this term has gained steam in popular culture as of late, but it’s something we’ve been saying for years.  My wife gets a recurring brain tumor.  That is a big problem that leads to other problems of downward spiraling health.  It sucks. She’s had 4 uber invasive surgeries so far, and that horrible thing keeps coming back, even though it’s not cancer.  It’s a weird sort of cyst that is a build up of spinal fluid which rests itself in a quite inconveinent spot located in her brain stem.  Like I said, it sucks.

I don’t think a lot about how much this changed our life, but there is one major criteria that it changed: outside commitments.  Friends, church, even my work are all filled with people that realize they aren’t as important to me as my sweet wife.  So when she goes ill, I cancel on people.  A lot. Tonight she tearfully started apologizing when it became clear that her health was not so great, and our middle school aged boys needed to pack for a church retreat they are leaving for tomorrow, and she needed me to stay home.  The thing is, I really didn’t feel inconvenienced. In fact I decided I wasn’t going out and told her so before she could even ask if I would consider it.  I wasn’t upset even a little bit.  I’d truly rather be home serving her and being with my family then winning a few bucks from buddies over a silly game of cards.

After assuring her that it was no big deal, it struck me how that might not be normal for a lot of people in our position. But I love her.  I love serving her.  I love our life together, including nights where I have to fake being a “superdad” to our four kids.  I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  Sometimes it’s hard, but the choice is serve is easy.  Im thankful that God has given me the grace to see what’s most important.

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